OOC Respect

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May 2012

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May 28 - Memorial Day

[Spirit Lapis]

Okay so I was sat eating breakfast and reading the various group IM's that popped up on screen and one that caught my attention was this Gorean Support Group where a girl who roleplays a slave basically back-chatted a guy who plays a FM in Gor. Bare in mind this was a -OOC group chat- ... anyway, this girl was then linch mobbed by various Free in the group as well as other players who play slaves, demanding the girl apologised and showed the respect due to a FM. Hummm.. from what I gather, as far as OOC is concerned, respect is earned - its not demanded.

Personally speaking, I give basic respect to all until given a reason to show disrespect. I dont just simply respect everyone I come across just because of their roleplay status. If a FM is being an asshole toward me in OOC, Im not going to show them any respect, i'll plain out tell them to f*ck off out of my IM and mute them.

But I find it really harsh that so many could really get on at this girl just because her tone was disrespectful in an OOC IM aimed towards a person who RPs as a Master.

How do others feel about OOC Group Chats and respect between slave players and Free players? Do you still treat them as though they are talking to the Free IC? even when OOC? Are slave players not permitted OOC voices or lives? I find it rather hallerious to be honest, and disrespectful to the person behind the keyboard to treat them like they're nothing in OOC just as they would in IC. To be treated IC as a kajira is one thing, but OOC? players have right to say whatever they want to.

[Delaynie Barbosa]

Sadly, there is at least one "OOC group" that is really IC.  And some people have IC all th time attitude. Some think they are Gorean and can't be IC or OOC because it is what it is. To all of this I say,  "Whatever."

Anyway, I came accross a situation today  where a girl said in her sim group, girls have to earn the respect of the free, and I think she meant ICly, but I can't be sure because I know this group has some IC/OOC seperation issues.  But OOCly, I can tell you from experience, this entire group isn't exactly about equality anyway. Remember that neoptism and immaturity reign supreme in Gorean roleplay, not the fostering of a creative, immersive environment.

^  That is sarcasm, btw. Everyone should have a voice. Most slaves aren't slaves OOCly anymore then Warriors are descendants of Roman era soldiers living on the planet Gor in the city of Ar.  I have no idea whatsoever what it is about Gorean roleplay that makes people think they have the right to treat other people badly simply because of the role they choose to play.  It's douchebaggery of the worst kind, and its immidiately evident that the perpetrator has confidence issues exactly oppisite of the ideals of Gorean philosophy.

Slave players are actors like others, why people can't get their through their thick heads is beyond me.  If I was your friend I would have made a few "small problem" jokes and left the groups. My patience for treating people badly gets shorter every day, and I'm personally at the point where the next person who wants to tell me to tell to treat them with the respect they deserve that I want my matching diamond-encrusted Princess tiara and collar set.

[Spirit Lapis]

I agree totally.

Is like other night, a Master and I basically butted heads IC one day, and we went our seperate ways to calm down. I'd eventually TP'd outside of Gor to go deal with a few projects I was working on for my store, and for other people - custom work and such, and I was mid building when I get an IM from this Master basically putting me down telling me how much of a bad kajira I am and such so I tell him to get the fuck outta my IM and move along before I AR him for harassment. It had pretty much gotten to the point it was turning into OOC harassment at this point anyway, constant friendship requests, constant drama coming from him IC and OOC, him sending his slaves after me in IM, etc etc... and He talked down to me yet again telling me I was soo wrong for telling him to get out of my IM, that he was a FM and had every right to IM me and put me "in my place". At which point I told him to fuck off and die a thousand deaths and muted him.  Next thing I know, I'm getting IM's from several other people that this guy had sent after me, and apparently an assasin now hunting me... cmon bring on the assasins... no really... im waiting

Then yesterday, some issue arose, regarding another slave, my chain sister to be exact, the Master basically was the one who was to "purchase" her. He went behind my Master's back trying buy the slave from the Ubar instead, save him having to wait for my Master to get online (who was offline because of RL Illness fwiw), and I spoke up about how he was being a douchebag in OOC to someone else. A whole mess of drama ensued, eventually having the Master bombard me with friendship requests (over 100 in less then 10 minutes!) almost crashing me, and mouthing off at me in IM dispite me telling him several times I dont wanna discuss my Owners business with Him.  Meh... some people just  reallllly need a reality check.

[SnowFall Soulstar]

Personally, I am just amazed that this still happens and it is one of my pet hates. I was driven from Gor for a couple of years due to OOC (Out of Control) harrassment and stalking by my Master. 
Out of Character is exactly that. Those that cannot distinguish where IC and OOC begins and ends have a major problem imo.    
If consenting people choose to have any sort of Master/slave relationship beyond IC RP then well and good for them, however, the ussumption that one person behind the screen is somehow not equal in to another based purely on their RP character is an injustice and just plain wrong.  Masters, or Mistresses for that matter, who act badly OOCLY  towards those they think they have a right to control, expose flawed personalities and emotional insecurities and need to get a grip on reality.

[Poisonous Adored]

Everyone is equal OOC, period.

But if so many slaves didnt behave OOC as they behave IC, addressing people in OOC, with master mistress titles, the mentalities would evolve.

When so many slaves continue to behave like slaves, to act as if they were of an inferior status, in OOC, so, people are used to think that the majority of slaves are real submissives before to be role players and want to be treated like slaves even OOC. Probably some dudes anyway, need for their ego, due to their poor little life when they are nothing and crawl at their boss or wife's feet, to be still treated by all slaves as if they were masters, in an out of character context and there are little chance that they evolve. They are just deeply pathetic. And I wont talk about the other dudes who think that they are real Gorean and so exceptional that they deserve the greatest respect from those who put a foot in their little virtual Gorean world and chose the slave role.
Myself playing a FW, I remember once, I have been required in an OOC discussion on an OOC sim group chat, to show respect and change my tone with some dude that annoyed me, because he was a man in a man's world, lol! I took some sadistic pleasure to show to these interlocutors, where was their real place, laugh!

But I tend to think that the majority of people playing frees, is just too much used to people playing slaves blurring the lines when they are OOC. Sort of custom, and when a slave breaks this custom, these people feel disturbed and react stupidly, without even pondering.

But everyone is equal OOC, PERIOD and sim owners should enforce also this rule in their own sim. Mentalities evolved a lot since 2007 regarding this point and the differences IC and OOC, but there are still efforts to do on this point.

[Spirit Lapis]

All the time I have been in Gor on the internet, I have been a submissive of sorts in RL. Of course, not practicing until I was actually of legal age to do so, but still, and right now, I am an owned submissive in RL - to the same people I am a kajira to in SL Gor. My owner own me IC and OOC. My respect for Free is unwaivering usually, unless of course, those in my IM show themselves to be mindless idiots like so many others who "Play" at being Dominant.

I have high respect for those in Gor who do live a sub/Dom relationship in RL. Many do. And quite often then not, I will refer to them as Master/Jarl/Mistress in OOC chat also. Its just how I am, and I respect those who deserve the respect given to them.  Many of which have easily earned it.  Its just those who have no respect for me as a -person- in real life that do not get my respect... and when they whine and bitch about it - they just show themselves to be the complete idiots that they are.

I personally dont find it easy to trust people, especially Masters, due to something I went through in real life. But I wont really get into that. I have issues with Masters who think they're all that and a bag of durritos when really, they are just sad lonely pathetic middle aged men without girlfriends or wives or without anything to call a 'real life' so they live their lives trying to be something they aren't via pixel worlds like SL... that go about demanding everything and never giving just reason for it to be given to them. Simply taking all the time.

Believe it or not, even gor, is consentual. Kajirae believe it or not, DID HAVE CHOICES. they chose to obey their Masters/Mistress's... if they didnt sure they'd be punished but still they make that choice.  Free can demand all they want... but when it comes down to it, you needa respect those who are behind the keyboard and the pixel avatars, or the roleplay just turns to a chore... turns sour... becomes something we do just cause we feel necessary to do.... rather then something us slaves feel passionate about. Its people like *certain FM* that make slaves like me want to just give up completely. I mean, it people like the assholes in Gor who ruin a slaves belly... her fire... her need and desire to serve... unless of course the slave gets turned on by being treat like complete shit. Ive come across a few that are like that.

[Poisonous Adored]

When you wrote your first post on this forum, you addressed all people here, by master or mistress. How do you expect in SL to be treated equally in OOC, if you behave like a slave with almost everyone?

Yes, it's your choice, but assume the consequences. For me, I make the things clear with the "real" slaves: Im not Gorean in OOC, do not call me mistress, period, I dont like that (and I hate to be forced in a role that I dont enjoy).

If you show in OOC a slave behavior, expects to be treated totally like a slave by some people, do not be surprise to be treated as if you were inferior, because a kajira for these people is not equal to them.

And keep in mind that you participate to maintain this mentality.

And if the assholes ruin the "slave belly", seriously, maybe the woman need to understand that a D/S relationship is not different than another relationship. Just need to find the good partner and to choose it carefully, with good sense instead to throw herself to every dude pretending to be dominant..... When I see some submissives, I think that they make great efforts to seek the problems...

[Persis Ishtari]

When i hear a RL submissive call men and women Master and Mistress in OOC chat or on this forum, I wonder if they go to the book store in RL, saying; 'Master. please. This one would like a book ....'.
Or when they pick up their children from school and they meet their teacher;
'Hello Mistress. How was my little Bob today?'

I am submissive by nature, but that doesnt make all other people Masters or Mistresses to me. To be called a Master is in my eyes, something very special and also combined with respect, trust, love and so much else, that no 18 year old prick sitting in his moms basement in SL will ever deserve the title off.

Its amazing that there is still so much confusion about being RL, ooc - in or out of roleplay all over Gor

[Junea Demonia]

When you wrote your first post on this forum, you addressed all people here, by master or mistress. How do you expect in SL to be treated equally in OOC, if you behave like a slave with almost everyone?

Yes, it's your choice, but assume the consequences. For me, I make the things clear with the "real" slaves: Im not Gorean in OOC, do not call me mistress, period, I dont like that (and I hate to be forced in a role that I dont enjoy).

If you show in OOC a slave behavior, expects to be treated totally like a slave by some people, do not be surprise to be treated as if you were inferior, because a kajira for these people is not equal to them.

And keep in mind that you participate to maintain this mentality.

And if the assholes ruin the "slave belly", seriously, maybe the woman need to understand that a D/S relationship is not different than another relationship. Just need to find the good partner and to choose it carefully, with good sense instead to throw herself to every dude pretending to be dominant..... When I see some submissives, I think that they make great efforts to seek the problems...

I agree with this so very very much!! All the things you address are spot on.

Why do people scream for OOC respect and treated as an equal – if they choose not to be equal by the way they address others OOC – and in the way they behave OOC towards people who play a free person IC? I simply do not understand that.

Yes, some people who play in Gor have submissive tendencies – but I always call BS when a player tells me they are always sub to everyone and always behave like a slave – in OOC, in rl – and so on. Seriously? You go down to the grocery store and drop to your knees and beg the butcher to give you the nice piece of meat you have to prepare for your owner tonight? Most likely not! Those kinds of relationships – if they are based on OOC – are ALWAYS, they have to be consensual by the very nature of the relationship! So while it is perfectly ok to be the sub or slave to your partner at home – we all know (if we have any kind of sense) that we have to modify our behaviors if we step out in public and engage other people. Other people have NOT consented that some person might be sub to them. They have every right not to deal with it. The same is true for sl. If it is an OOC forum , an OOC group – any kind of OOC – then people need to adjust their behavior. They cannot expect others to assume a dominant  role – just because they think they are oh so sub – and have to stay IC all the time.

By jumping into group  chats that are considered OOC and speaking like a sub/slave – they INVITE the reaction they are then complaining about. If you constantly call men masters why then complain that they act dominant towards you? Makes no sense whatsoever. Why not simply be fully OOC and drop the sub routine in group chats – in any kind of OOC situation – and ONLY do the sub thing with others that consent to be OOC with you in that way?
The so called rl subs and slaves often see themselves as special snowflakes, in my opinion. Well, let me correct that. I think there are many people with submissive tendencies who play in Gor – people who play slaves, free women, and free men . The ones who claim the special snow flake status are the ones who claim they are oh so sub – that they can never drop the act and always have to behave as a slave – well, because they are oh so sub…..
I have nothing against people with submissive tendencies at all. I have had a d/s relationship in sl that crossed OOC lines – and there were a few people I have crossed that line with at times. There is nothing wrong with that at all. But it is something between consenting people who choose to cross that line. It cannot be expected from just anyone just because they play a role in sl gor.

And I never understood for the life of me – why it would  make a difference if someone lives in their mothers basement…really?

[blaze Larkspur]

First just let me say I have been around and reading for awhile and only now got around to registering.  So hi hi and now my 2 cents:

I am one of those girls that is a R/L slave and yes I live it 24/7 and no I do not drop to my knees at the grocery store, mostly due to it being to freaking cold here in Alaska 
But what we are speaking about is basic and minimal respect.  I was raised in the deep south and all of my elders are called ma'am and sir as well.  However if someone lets me know they do not like it then I will call them whatever they like.
But my calling someone ma'am or sir or Master or Mistress or whatever does not give them cart blanche to abuse me.  And lets be clear as of late we have had a great influx of non - Goreans, that have not even skimed the books none the less read them, in not only positions of power but in positions of education (ie. Slavers and first girls)
If the sim owner or slaver is ok with this behaviour what is to stop slaves and others from the ooc/ic confussion
I have as of late come back after about a year break and to say i am a bit dismayed is an understatement.
I have been in SL Gor for four years, on HTML longer and I am that rare bird that actually have read all the books.  But I do not think it is simply book knowledge but basic common sense and respect.
On two seperate occasions this week I was brought to a sim as a possible home and both times the Owners "girl" attacked in a short rate of time.  One I ignored and took the collar anyway due to my really liking the Jarl and as she was not his I figured I could ignore it, but when the sim owners "right hand" goes out of her way to be openly hostile on ooc issues and does not so much as welcome a new member it screams loudly of what that experiance will be in the long run.
I get it most sim owners "employ" the people on the most but they in turn then represent your sim and their behaviour reflects upon you.  If when you are told of this you have an attitude and a million excusses people will vote with their feet there are far to many other sims to try than to put up with your girlfriend on a power trip.
May being respectful in im does not make it ok for this behaviour any way you slice it, it is just wrong.

IC if a FW wants to be a bitch then bring that on but I have seen the ooc/ic mix and drama and it just is not worth it to me.  I am quick on the mute button and will click the see mute in local and force someone to live only ic'ly if they can not take a hint.

[Junea Demonia]

I am one of those girls that is a R/L slave and yes I live it 24/7 and no I do not drop to my knees at the grocery store, mostly due to it being to freaking cold here in Alaska 

So you are saying if you lived in Florida you would drop to your knees at the grocery store? No, right? What  you do is the appropriate thing – the thing that does not offend others and pushes your lifestyle on others in a way that is not welcome. You can consider yourself a slave to someone 24/7 – that is your decision – but it would be wrong to expose others to that and to expect them to adjust their behaviors to accommodate that choice of yours. That is why you act in a generally accepted manner when engaging with others who have no consented to interact with you on that d/s basis. People can do the same thing in sl. It is really very easy. Just like in real life.

But what we are speaking about is basic and minimal respect.  I was raised in the deep south and all of my elders are called ma'am and sir as well.  However if someone lets me know they do not like it then I will call them whatever they like.

You have to keep in mind that you engage with people from all over the world in sl. You cannot expect them to know the customs of the southern United States and interpret your use in the correct way. We all have to adjust in sl – because it is so diverse. Also – calling people mam and sir OOC is not the problem in sl gor. Calling a person master or mistress has a very specific meaning ….that has nothing to do with the usual politeness of man or sir that is often used in the United States.

But my calling someone ma'am or sir or Master or Mistress or whatever does not give them cart blanche to abuse me. 

My  advice to role players of gorean slaves is – do not address people as master or mistress OOC – unless you want the person to treat you as a gorean slave. And I think we all know what that means – if we have read only one of those books. My advice is also – if you want OOC crossover – nothing wrong with that at all – but do it with people who have consented to go that route with you….and you both have an understanding of what the expectations are from the relationship.

And lets be clear as of late we have had a great influx of non - Goreans, that have not even skimed the books none the less read them, in not only positions of power but in positions of education (ie. Slavers and first girls) 

What do you mean by non goreans? Do you mean people who do not have the whole gorean philosophy thing as their lifestyle? Because we all know there are not real goreans – they are an invention of a writer.  Also, why do you think reading or  not reading the books has anything to do with being respectful OOC?

If the sim owner or slaver is ok with this behaviour what is to stop slaves and others from the ooc/ic confussion

What do you mean? What kind of behavior? OOC disrespect of players who consider themselves rl slaves? What do sim owners and slaves have to do with such OOC issues? A mixing of IC and OOC might be a bit of a problem here?  It is up to the individual players to set boundaries for him or herself. No?

On two seperate occasions this week I was brought to a sim as a possible home and both times the Owners "girl" attacked in a short rate of time.  One I ignored and took the collar anyway due to my really liking the Jarl and as she was not his I figured I could ignore it, but when the sim owners "right hand" goes out of her way to be openly hostile on ooc issues and does not so much as welcome a new member it screams loudly of what that experiance will be in the long run.

The other girl attacked you IC or OOC? If it is OOC attack – most likely to move on. I think what you describe is a good indication of what happens when too  much OOC/IC crossover happens – and not everyone is fully on board and consenting with it. If it is an IC attack – well, that is good rp.

. IC if a FW wants to be a bitch then bring that on but I have seen the ooc/ic mix and drama and it just is not worth it to me.  I am quick on the mute button and will click the see mute in local and force someone to live only ic'ly if they can not take a hint.

Hm, but that makes my point exactly! Why would you put yourself in a position where you  give others the impression you might be sub to them OOC – if that is the way you feel?
Did you not say you are an rl slave 24/7? Would that not mean you should also behave as a slave towards such a free woman? See how it can get confusing to people? You can consider yourself a slave to someone 24/7 as much as you want – that is no one’s business. But the other person has to be a consenting partner in this. Do not give others the impression that is how you want the exchange to be and then get mad because they treat you as it pleases them.

Would it not be so much easier to simply choose the people wisely you engage in any kind of power exchange in – and just represent yourself as perfectly equal to all others?

[Garrgon Resident]

But my calling someone ma'am or sir or Master or Mistress or whatever does not give them cart blanche to abuse me.

There's a big difference between calling people Sir/Ma'am and Master/Mistress. Sir/Ma'am are not submissive titles. When you call someone Master or Mistress oocly, you're handing them permission to be dominant over you. It can be confusing when you give them that sense of control and dominance, then complain when they take it and/or abuse it.

I hate being called Master or Mistress oocly and while playing Garrgon, I had to tell quite a few girls to not call me Master in IMs. I don't want to be dominant over them anywhere besides in RP.

My  advice to role players of gorean slaves is – do not address people as master or mistress OOC – unless you want the person to treat you as a gorean slave. And I think we all know what that means – if we have read only one of those books. My advice is also – if you want OOC crossover – nothing wrong with that at all – but do it with people who have consented to go that route with you….and you both have an understanding of what the expectations are from the relationship.

This. OOC crossover happens on both sides and in different degrees. It can be as little as calling someone Master in IMs and as big as sending an assassin after a slave roleplayer for not begging for mercy in your IMs. If you really want nothing to do with it, you have to make the line firm and clear.

[Garrgon Resident]

8 out of 10 FM in SL Gor are really mommys boys still living in their mommys basements with no job, or they are college students in their dorms wanking off to naked chicks on a computer game.  And these people demand my respect OOC. lols
*NB* I say 8 out of 10 because there really are some DECENT FM in Gor... but there is that percentage of men who RP as FM who are complete waste of space douchebags who really dont deserve respect - rather the latter of a kick up the ass... those who really need a reality check and go live their RL's if they even have anything left in RL cause they spend way too much time sat in front of the pleasure box wankin off to naked chicks

I have to say too, I find this a very condescending and offensive comment. First of all, the whole "living in Mommy's basement" insult is entirely overdone. I'll bet that the only ones you'll find living under Mommy's roof are the ones in their early 20s and under. That's not wrong to be living at home that young.

Having a career and being graduated from college is not a prerequisite to roleplaying and doesn't make a person any less or more talented or mature then the next guy. I've met some very mature, talented young roleplayers and some really messed up older ones. It has nothing to do with what part of life you're in and everything to do with knowing how to play well with others.

The ones that are older and are living at home might have a good damn reason (like, say, the nations plummeting economy). I'm in my 40s and I live at home. The reason though is not because I'm not worthy of anyone's time as a roleplayer, or because I'm a loser that can't get a job or support myself. I'm taking care of my 80 yr old father who adamantly wants to stay in his house. So please, stop insulting people with the "lives in Mommy's basement" dig.

Second, 8 out of 10? I'd say half of the men you're claiming are little boys, are really women behind the screen.

I get that you're mad about the situation you're in Spirit, but lashing out at 8 out of 10 male avatars and telling people to "fuck off and die a thousand deaths" is probably not your answer.

[Randall Reich]

8 out of 10 FM in SL Gor are really mommys boys still living in their mommys basements with no job, or they are college students in their dorms wanking off to naked chicks on a computer game.  And these people demand my respect OOC. lols
*NB* I say 8 out of 10 because there really are some DECENT FM in Gor... but there is that percentage of men who RP as FM who are complete waste of space douchebags who really dont deserve respect - rather the latter of a kick up the ass... those who really need a reality check and go live their RL's if they even have anything left in RL cause they spend way too much time sat in front of the pleasure box wankin off to naked chicks

I have to say too, I find this a very condescending and offensive comment. First of all, the whole "living in Mommy's basement" insult is entirely overdone. I'll bet that the only ones you'll find living under Mommy's roof are the ones in their early 20s and under. That's not wrong to be living at home that young.

Having a career and being graduated from college is not a prerequisite to roleplaying and doesn't make a person any less or more talented or mature then the next guy. I've met some very mature, talented young roleplayers and some really messed up older ones. It has nothing to do with what part of life you're in and everything to do with knowing how to play well with others.

The ones that are older and are living at home might have a good damn reason (like, say, the nations plummeting economy). I'm in my 40s and I live at home. The reason though is not because I'm not worthy of anyone's time as a roleplayer, or because I'm a loser that can't get a job or support myself. I'm taking care of my 80 yr old father who adamantly wants to stay in his house. So please, stop insulting people with the "lives in Mommy's basement" dig.

Second, 8 out of 10? I'd say half of the men you're claiming are little boys, are really women behind the screen.

I get that you're mad about the situation you're in Spirit, but lashing out at 8 out of 10 male avatars and telling people to "fuck off and die a thousand deaths" is probably not your answer.

I have to agree with Garrgon.  I find the whole attitude frankly just ugly and very offputting.  It makes me think "hm do I really want to even deal with this person should I encounter them in world given their shitty attitude"? 

Not all of us FM in SL Gor are overgrown children living in mama's basement.  Some of us have successful careers, own our own homes, own businesses and (gasp) even work out regularly.  Gor is just a lot more interesting than TV. 

As for OOC respect, it seems you demand it but aren't willing to give it.  Recommend you drop the stereotype and simply judge each person individually for how they treat you and go no further than that. 

[Kaitlin Eiren]

8 out of 10 FM in SL Gor are really mommys boys still living in their mommys basements with no job, or they are college students in their dorms wanking off to naked chicks on a computer game.  And these people demand my respect OOC. lols
*NB* I say 8 out of 10 because there really are some DECENT FM in Gor... but there is that percentage of men who RP as FM who are complete waste of space douchebags who really dont deserve respect - rather the latter of a kick up the ass... those who really need a reality check and go live their RL's if they even have anything left in RL cause they spend way too much time sat in front of the pleasure box wankin off to naked chicks

I have to say too, I find this a very condescending and offensive comment. First of all, the whole "living in Mommy's basement" insult is entirely overdone. I'll bet that the only ones you'll find living under Mommy's roof are the ones in their early 20s and under. That's not wrong to be living at home that young.

Having a career and being graduated from college is not a prerequisite to roleplaying and doesn't make a person any less or more talented or mature then the next guy. I've met some very mature, talented young roleplayers and some really messed up older ones. It has nothing to do with what part of life you're in and everything to do with knowing how to play well with others.

The ones that are older and are living at home might have a good damn reason (like, say, the nations plummeting economy). I'm in my 40s and I live at home. The reason though is not because I'm not worthy of anyone's time as a roleplayer, or because I'm a loser that can't get a job or support myself. I'm taking care of my 80 yr old father who adamantly wants to stay in his house. So please, stop insulting people with the "lives in Mommy's basement" dig.

Second, 8 out of 10? I'd say half of the men you're claiming are little boys, are really women behind the screen.

I get that you're mad about the situation you're in Spirit, but lashing out at 8 out of 10 male avatars and telling people to "fuck off and die a thousand deaths" is probably not your answer.

I have to agree with Garrgon.  I find the whole attitude frankly just ugly and very offputting.  It makes me think "hm do I really want to even deal with this person should I encounter them in world given their shitty attitude"? 

Not all of us FM in SL Gor are overgrown children living in mama's basement.  Some of us have successful careers, own our own homes, own businesses and (gasp) even work out regularly.  Gor is just a lot more interesting than TV. 

As for OOC respect, it seems you demand it but aren't willing to give it.  Recommend you drop the stereotype and simply judge each person individually for how they treat you and go no further than that. 

Pretty much this.  I also believe Juneau nailed it as well when she agreed with Sasi. 

@OP
Something else to ask yourself is what are your own actions contributing to the situation even in group chat.  Discussing active RP OOCly is usually a recipe for disaster so it is best if you handle it IC or end the scene. 

ETA: I have never understood why people don't just ignore, mute and move on.  They have even incorporated this great feature in the viewer where you can turn IMs off for those that can't keep it IC and you can always leave a given group rather than stay and complain.