Gorean Lifestyle

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May 2012

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May 28 - Memorial Day

[Mel Fitzcarraldo]

This question has come to mind in light of a previous post, you know which one.
Let me know if the wording of the questions make sense.

Short personal background just to keep things in perspective:
When I first found SL, I was aware of what these types of lifestyles are, but had never considered any in depth. My second partner in SL is a RL BDSM lifestyler and I learned a tremendous amount from her. In the beginning I thought it was crazy and rejected it completely, but over time I learned about what these mean and about myself. I'm using a generic "lifestyle" here to mean Gorean/BDSM/TPE/etc. All of these can be a bad experience when taken to extremes as can most things.

Anyway, I'm curious what people's opinions here are, since this is a Gorean forum, don't feel compelled to leave a post if you don't want to, but I appreciate all your votes.

Meletius

[Rhylee Resident]

I don't think the options are very good ones. Perhaps if you had just left it with a simpe Yes, No, No Opinion.

I am -NOT- a lifestyler, I am a roleplayer. But to say I think someone who is a lifestyler has a personal defect is just insane. To each his/her own, indeed. 

I don't believe anyone is RL Gorean, I do believe that are many, MANY people that dabble in BDSM, whether it be mildly or heavily. That is the fetish lifestyle, not Gorean.

So, I will leave my little post and not answer the poll. 

[Alaria Voss]

When I think "lifestyler"  I often smile bcause the first image that comes to mind is Joe Warrior sweeping into work on his Tarn  

But I have had the pleasure of knowing many who identify with the "lifestyle"  or rather the gorean philosophy.  Honor, codes and loyalty amongst others.  They are not all wackos!   .  Though as with anything, there will always be asshats, and I would be lying if I didn't say I had met my share of them also.

I do believe in each to their own.  A relationship, whether it is Gorean/BDSM/TPE/Vanilla is just that, firstly.  It is a relationship.  And how the dynamics within that relationship work between the parites involved in it, is entirely THEIR business.  And providing both parties are fully consenting adults, and are not forcing their "lifestyle" down other people's throats as the /only/ way, then live and let live is my policy.

Since I have been in SL (nearly 7 years) I have interacted either within Gorean or BDSM genres.  What never ceases to amaze me, is how many people are so narrow minded.  BDSMers hate Goreans, Goreans hate BDSMers, Lifestylers think roleplayers are just "players", roleplayers think lifestylers are wacko.  And we wonder why there is no sense of community with SL Gor.   We are so busy pointing out the faults in others, we never look at ourselves and say "what can I do to make it better?"  

Maybe this is why, I have always disliked and continue to dislike "labels".  They box us in, and bring out the "pre-concieved notions" others have of a particular type.  I will stick with the infamous sentiment of that literary genius ...Popeye "I yam what I yam"  

[Spirit Lapis]

I'm a rl submissive but I consider myself a Gorean Roleplayer. Do I roleplay the submisive/slave role in SL? To an extent i suppose i do. My desire to surrender to an owner is very real, my relationship with my Master and Mistress is real... but would I consider myself RL Gorean? LOL!... no.

I do not believe Gor can be real. Its a series of fantasy books written by a Philosopher. Its not a real life lifestyle at all. What people do is they bring in the basic tenets of Gor, which, if you know anything about certain real lifestyles like M/s and BDSM, have those very same basic tenets.  The RL Gor Lifestyle is just another name for TPE/ M/s / heavy BDSM relationships, and personally, if someone labels themselves as real Goreans, they need to see a psychatrist as obviously theyre barking.

But again, this is my personal opinion, and I have every right to voice my opinion whether people agree with me or not. So backlash me for thinkin RL goreans are barkin or not, i dont mind

[Nigaltwaddlesworthiii]

I voted 'to each their own'.. I also don't think its a defect to kink on the Gorean lifestyle.. as long as its consented upon by all involved.. of course this already kind of makes it not 'Gorean', because the slavery depicted in the books is largely not consented to by the slave-ee..

I myself do enjoy the real life M/s dynamic I hold with my personal relationship... which again.. is consented to by both of us... so I am in no position to judge Gorean Lifestylers who are into the same dynamic.. I just choose not to pretend I'm living some sort of philosophy.. its purely for the pleasure and satisfaction it brings to both of us.. which is all you can ask for in life when it comes to relationships isn't it.. that all are happy, fulfilled, safe.. and satisfied.

[Mel Fitzcarraldo]

I slightly edited the first option to, I think, reflect more of what I meant, which closely parallels what Nigaltwaddlesworthiii (Good Lord!) posted. Please don't take it as someone delusional but a male dominated society or personal relationship.

[Nigaltwaddlesworthiii]

I slightly edited the first option to, I think, reflect more of what I meant, which closely parallels what Nigaltwaddlesworthiii (Good Lord!) posted. Please don't take it as someone delusional but a male dominated society or personal relationship.

Ormr..lol.. just plain Ormr works.. I tried to get Laja to let me use Ormr here but alas.. my idea of a funny name in SL will stay with me forever even here.. lol

[Elle Couerblanc]

Isn't a Gorean Lifestyler really just another way of saying that they practice BDSM in RL?  I mean Gor doesn't exist - it's a fictional planet. Wouldn't a better label perhaps be Normanite?

[Spirit Lapis]

Star Trek fans have conventions and stuff but they dont consider themselves real life starfleet.

nuff said lol....

[Xaz Elephas]

Star Trek fans have conventions and stuff but they dont consider themselves real life starfleet.

nuff said lol....

I am a Star Wars Geek rl and don't even tell me the force is not a real thing! May the Force be with you.  Joking of course...  I know there no rl Jedi... we can not even get past the moon with human beings. I have been to Gaming Conventions before, a lot of fun, and yeah you do leave wondering about some people who take it too far.

I think thats what Lifestylers do, they just take a fantasy too far. However, in the privacey of ones home its no one business, right. I often say I am Master of my rl home... maybe thats why I am still single. 

[Mel Fitzcarraldo]

Calling a Gorean lifestyler a BDSM lifestyler is like asking a Scot if he's from Ireland. There's only a bit of water in between and they're a lot alike, but you're liable to get in a fight

[Delaynie Barbosa]

I don't mind so much that people consider themselves Gorean when they take the underlying messages and philosphies that Tarl spills to us and use them in their lives. Nothing wrong with honor and leadership, afterall.  What I don't like is how it is misused.  I have been targeted by those in the lifestyle, and even by many roleplayers, as inferior because I'm female or because I roleplay a slave. And I know I'm not alone on this. Even on a visit to a lifestyle sim, where I asked questions to understand their POV better, I was met with resistance and treated like a stranger with maliscious intent. I find people in this lifestyle to be secretative, you have to go into it before you learn about it, and that is very cult like behavior. It's dangerous and unwelcoming.

Furthermore, JN has made it pretty clear he doesn't agree with Gor being used as a basis for lifestyle choices, and he's also made it clear S&M doesn't go with Gor.  Thusly, BDSM and Gor by definition are not mutually interchangable.  There's also a lot of argument from both sides about what BDSM is and what Gor is, tons of misunderstandings, and no one wants to talk about what they have in common, which is both are based on dominance and submission, and there are other similarities as well. Mostly I find lifestylers to be hypocritcal and condescending. Not to say those in BDSM are not. They certainly can be and its tenants are misused online as well as Gor. Just overall I think the whole thing is overblown and it breaks down to a lack of respect for other people because people misuse the whole, "I'm Dominant, my way or the highway" thing. They have no idea the differnce between dominance and domineering, and it all gets lost.

[Kaitlin Eiren]

Isn't a Gorean Lifestyler really just another way of saying that they practice BDSM in RL? 

No

[Triad Fallen]

I'm Darth Vader in rl and my inlaws are Klingons

[Tertionus]

Some 'lifestylers' don't follow any Gorean practices within their sex lives and relationships. Some select only the honour, loyalty etc. and practice those. Others choose, along with a partner (or partners) who also embraces the Gorean lifestyle and all that goes with it, to practice the relationship/sexual element of Gorean philosophy as well. Because it appeals to them, and because, as long as nobody is being force to do anything non-consensually, it's their right.

Some lifestylers are total assholes, some are really awesome and some are average Joes. Being a lifestyler generally isn't a contributing factor to that, any more than enjoying BDSM, star-trek or good wine are.

BUT

Having said that, I will repeat what I have said before on this subject. Online, particularly in venues like second life and chat rooms, where the main selling point is social interaction, there is a greater concentration of socially awkward people, or those that don't or can't interact in RL, for whatever reason. This is a fact, and must be acknowledged. Add in anonymity, and you have more assholes, by and large, than in any other setting. Add in the fact that there are also some genuine, gullible or inexperienced people hanging around, and you have an 'asshole' group that becomes more dangerous purely because their 'prey' group is larger (and consequence is minimal, at most).

In Gor, there is appeal both ways. The Gorean man, to the person who takes 'lifestyle' to mean a literal transplantation of the book culture to real life, is able to get any woman he wants, whenever he wants. A woman will do any and all of his bidding, and she will do it with happiness in her heart and a smile on her face, and she will never menstruate, be hormonal, tell him he's an asshole, or demand that he turn off the computer and come to bed right now. And for the woman? Well, in most (non lifestyler) minds, the free woman in 'lifestyle' Gor doesn't exist. Which leaves only slaves. And what could possibly be the appeal for slaves? Easy. (Perceived) total and utter, complete abdication of responsibility. The passing over of all of one's responsibilities and decisions and difficulties to another, in return for what? For sitting pretty, having multiple orgasms on command, and maybe occasionally doing a few dishes. Not to mention the fact that even the most unattractive woman will be beautiful by definition, if she would just kneel and smile. So the most broken and vulnerable end up with the most broken and vulnerable. The 'masters' beat their OOC chests (while secretly worrying that their 'slave will run away woth the next guy that comes along) and the 'slaves' emote all of their sensual movement and alluring looks while sitting at their desk in stained pyjamas, munching on twinkies.

SO. When you -do- find people online who identify as lifestyle, they are, for the vast majority, assholes who attempt to enforce their own wants (usually completely unrealted to Gor) on others, and react like petulent children if they fail.

Now, maybe that won't be popular with the emotionally balanced lifestylers that comes here who are moderate, who identify as lifestyler and take parts of the philosophy that suit them and roll with it in their SL, RL and wherever. Maybe they will think it unfair that a group of assholes taking their label and running with it for their own ends can change the nature of what the term 'Gorean lifestyler' is understood to mean across a specific demographic.

But that's a bit tough. Because it has happened. Case in point: some of the responses to this thread.