Contents
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*Tragic Times
*:::Gossip:::
*"Page Three"
*Colin gets Snappered
*"The Magistrates Corner"
*Advertisements
*Stirring up trouble in Ka'Zhar
*Announcements
*"Funny Pages"
*"Storylicious"
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Tragic Times
by Hells Bells
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The main gateway to Treve was the scene of a violent and gory incident this week.
Warriors Valterre and James had a difference of opinion on a matter of honour, the details of which have not been released.
As the hot tempered warriors argued, Scribes Orcus and Isabella and Physicians Gena and Keya tried in vain to intervene, not understanding the codes between the two men.
The war of words gave way to physical violence without warning and the slave lina was caught in the crossfire and rendered unconcious. The unlucky Isabella was also struck, tumbling off of the wall and breaking her ankle.
Valterre won the impromptu duel and did not hesitate to deliver a killing blow.
The witnesses looked on in horror and disgust and the physicians battled in vain to try and save James' life.
Emotional scenes followed and Anarch placed Valterre into a cell until the Magistrate could rule on the situation.
The ruling was that the warriors had the right to settle their differences at any time and in any place and no crime was committed.
The most mysterious and troubling part of the day occured when James' body disappeared!
Could the handsome rarius still be alive.... and what will he do next.....
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:::Gossip:::
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Is it really news? It seems the scribe, Lady Isabella is a possible heir to the late Ubara's wealth and properties. I have heard the amount is more than any might have imagined. Will the new Ubar or some of his men seize the money, will the lady see her fortune and have it ultimately fall in the hands of her protector? I think the former.
Spotted: One rarius seemingly going as mad as the former Ubar himself had been. Taking free women from their homes, accusing men of various things. What will become of this man? Only time will tell.
It seems Treve's favourite pair of scribes have moved on to bluer pastures. While I'm not sure that this move will be permanent, once can't help but to wonder why the sudden departure, what out of so many things might either be hiding? I'll leave the guesses up to you.
Love is in the air in Minus yet again? Has another fine warrior of the city fallen for the lady baker? The word is out on the streets and we don't imagine it will be long until something comes of this unlikely pair.
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"Page Three"
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CAN ONLY BE SEEN INWORLD
Do Not miss this weeks page 3 ladies, this weeks model is Frost and yes, it took a lot of time to get every single muscle of him down on paper.
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Colin gets Snappered
by Hells Bells
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Joyous scenes in the Trevian courtyard this week as Rarius Colin and Lady Snapper were companioned.
The happy couple had the dubious honour of being landed with Lady Isabella as she conducted her first ever companioning as part of her scribe practical exams.
I am told that she did reasonably well ((writer winks)).
Snapper looked exquisite in a dress of Rarius Red and delicate jewels adorning her beautiful features.
Rumours that Colin would appear clad in only a single tarn feather were happily (or unhappily?) proven false and he was also regally attired; the pair making quite the handsome and dashing couple.
The ceremony went off without a hitch; wine was shared, vows were promised and the lady's numerous veils stripped away.
One the official ceremony was completed, Colin performed a ceremony of his own - namely a tarn one. Whisking the lovely Snapper away into the clouds, the only evidence left to float back to the ground was the Ladies beautiful gown!
We all wish Colin and Snapper many years of happiness and many sons!
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"The Magistrates Corner"
by The Magistrate
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The warrior Lt. James Bluebird ended his days on the 18th day of September, the man whom was responsible for his death was Not charged due to the fact it was a challenge.
Lt. Colin and Lady Snapper of the red Caste was on the 17th day of September joined in companionship in the heart of our mighty city.
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Advertisements
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The lingering scent of sultry spices...
the lure of exotic and rare goods...
the mystery of sensual perfumes....
✖ Welcome to The Sparrow's Nest ✖
Owner: Suria Zenoria
(Located in Minus, near Ari's clothing shop)
Weekly Featured Items:
Taharian hand woven rugs and carpets
Turian Liquor
Freewoman, Slave and Signature Scents.
Looking for a scent? Stop by to consult with "Lady Sparrow" about your needs...
Need an herbal consultation? Discounts for Minus residents..
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We at the Tribune are looking for a warrior whom would be willing to write driffrent reports for us, if you have any intrest please grab the slave tasta (Carin McBride) who will lead you to the editor.
〖Weekly there will be 4 spots at 2 coppers pr. advetisements, if you wish to have an add in the paper for your buisness, contagt Carin McBride personaly and latest Friday in the comming week.〗
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Stirring up trouble in Ka'Zhar
by The incredible captain courageous!
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It was the day after the "mysterious" departure of our beloved, or much hated, Ubar when the Captain Mordachai heard his name being called by Wanita, the innkeeper. "Captain, I wish to hire your sword. Spike has been taken against his will and i need you to bring him back.". A worrying situation, one which the Warrior was sure to get to the bottom of. After questioning a slave who had witnessed the abduction, it became clear that the Urtcatcher had taken payment for a job, but he had not shown up to perform it, due to everything that went on the previous day. Just as Mord had decided to travel to Ka'Zhar, a familiar woman appeared on the docks of Minus, looking for Wanita. It was Maria, the former owner of the general store in the quaint little village, and she came with a message. She explained that Spike was not being held against his will, and that she would personally guarantee his safety.
Mordachai, knowing full well the risks, decided he would speak to Spike himself to ensure he was alright. He travelled with Maria to her beloved City and found the urtcatcher on the docks. As he walked over to him, Warriors and Killers appeared and surrounded him, five men strong and wellarmed. He shrugged and continued, not deterred in the least. He had warned one of his men that if he did not return by the end of the day, a rescue should be organized. After ensuring all was well with the tiny Man, Mord became aware that one of the Warriors surrounding him was in fact the Ubar of the City. He adressed him with a warning: "If this man is harmed in any way, I shall not hold Maria responsible, for she was a mere messenger on your behalf. Instead, I will return here and collect your head.". A rather bold statement for a Man who is completely outnumberred perhaps, but knowing that the full strength of Treve stands behind him, the Captain is not easily scared. His threat was laughed off, but the Ubar promised him the urtcatcher would be safe, so Mordachai turned to head to the boat ... But not before glancing at Spike and mentioning the new breakthrough in Urtcatching techniques; One would only have to use Assassins as bait.
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Announcements
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"Funny Pages"
by Ponytails
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So what about dating.. Do you know how to act, what to do? how to find the right one? worry not! those wise sayings will help you answer this and more
What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you'll wind up naked at the end of it."
"One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."
"Odds on meeting a single man: 1 in 23; a cute, single man: 1 in 429; a cute, single, smart man, 1 in 3,245,873; when you look your best, 1 in a billion."
"I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?"
"Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again."
"A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows."
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WHAT you shouldn't say on a date
- I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 discount meals before it expired.
- I used to come here all the time with my ex.
- Could you excuse me? My pet sleen gets lonely if I dont check on him every hour.
- I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
- It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.
- I'm sorry *cries like a baby* You remind me of my ex FC.
- Sex without love is a good exercise, did you know that?
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Men say "its tough being a guy" but I dont think so....
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're insensitive.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist.
If you're not, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
You really think thats too much to ask!?..
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Okay.. you ever wonder what is between the lines, what are women really saying to you when they are calling it off? Wonder no more!
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I sleep with)
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.)
5. I don't date men where I work. (I wouldn't date you if you were on all of Gor,' much less the same building.)
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"Storylicious"
by Little Miss Muffet
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We here at the Tribune are proud to announce the start of a series of stories, written by one of our great writers. Due to timeconstraints and the fact that she is a bit of a perfectionist, the "Storylicious" articles will only be published every 14th night.
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`'·.¸Umberella¸.·'´
Once upon a time there were two lovely but very ugly sisters called Damson and Jam "We're so lovely." Damson would say. And her grotty, but good hearted sister Jam would reply, "It's a shame about our ugly faces though. At least we are good hearted. Unlike our horrid sister who we lives in the garden, Umberellla."
Now out in the garden, in the pouring rain with only a rusty bucket to keep her from getting pneumonia, was Umberella. Very, very pretty was Umberella, but not at all nice was she. Not that ugly people can't be nice you know, they often are, beauty is only skin deep as they say, but in this case, Umberella had a face like a princess and fantastic tits too though she really was a mean and a moody cow.
Please understand that nobody made Umberella live on the compost heap. On her eighth birthday she'd gotten into a fight with her sisters and had run out into the garden in a sulk and had stayed there ever since. Now, on the eve of her twenty first birthday things were about to change.
"Tingalingaling!" It was the postman!
"Was that you saying 'Tingalingaling!'?" asked Damson her tripple chin wobbling like a blancmange. She stood in the doorway wearing nothing but a skimpy negligee.
"Yes." said Il Postino (talk about a coincidence), "you don't have a doorbell so I said 'Tingalingaling' instead."
"Where's your sister today?", he asked, "The pretty but moody one with mouthwatering jugs."
"She's sulking in the garden." sighed Damson as she pictured her sister's perky mammaries.
"Do you think I could come on in for a few minutes and give her one. You can watch if you like." pleaded Il Postino.
"No you cannot you horrid little man." laughed Damson but actually she was quite aroused by the idea, and so, she noted, was the not so little postman.
"Oh alright, heres your post. See ya." and he threw a golden envelope over Damson's shoulder so he could watch her bend over to pick it up. Which she did, nice and slow for him and she wiggled her ass a bit too. A lot of people complained that their post was late that day.
Some time later, hot and flustered, Damson returned to her sister and opened the envelope and crikey and all that, it was only an invite to Baron Blackrose's Birthday Ball.
"Are you going?" asked Jam
"I dunno, I might do but I am so ugly I am scared to be seen." said Damson
"Inner beauty is what we have sister." said Jam. And they hugged.
Reluctantly they carried out a breakfast tray to Umberella who ungratiously snatched it from them.
"What's that!" she bellowed, pointing at the envelope.
"Oh this?" asked Damson, "it's just a special invitation to uh umm, a fab party at the palace yes. I can't wait to go."
"Well, it's obviously mine, you're too ugly to go to the palace!" she said snatching the invitge and tray, "Now get lost!"
And so with tears in their eyes, they left her alone.
Sat all alone on the compost heap, with a rusty bucket on her head, Umberella munched on a peice of toast and marmalade and read her invite. Despite being given everything she could ever want by her sisters, she began to cry, "I'll need a new dress and diamonds and some of them fancy glass slippers or I wont be going!" she sobbed.
Suddenly, a fairy godmother appeared. "Who the hell are you?" sobbed Umberella
"I'm Auntie Glasnost dear, your fairy godmother" said Auntie Glasnost as she waved her wand, "and you SHALL go to the ball!" and Umberella sat and smirked while Auntie Glasnost waved her magic wand all around and about.
And so, a new dress was produced along with diamonds and pearls and finest crystal slippers and a mirror was brought in and Umberall stood in front and primped and preened and all that."This dress is a bit risque." she said as she posed in front of the mirror, "you can see my nipples." She was right of course, the tops of her her pink areolae were clearly visible.
"You want the Baron to notice you don't you?" asked Auntie Glasnost winking at Damson.
"He wont be able to help it." said Umberella, "cos I am so gorgeous, which is something my sisters will never experience." said Umberella so matter of factly.
And so, a taxi was called and Umberella was pushed out of the door, tottering on impossibly high glass heels and her awesome tits visible to all who cared to look (and they did). "One last thing to make him notice you." said Auntie Glasnost as she fastened a ball gag securely around Umberella's spiteful and spoilt little head. And with that, the taxi sped off towards the palace. "Be back by midnight!" Damson and Jam called as they waved goodbye.
"Do you think she will?" asked Jam as she pulled of her fake fairy wings and grey haired granny wig.
"I doubt it." said Damson, "The Baron's orgies go on for days. I was sore for weeks after the last one."
And with that they packed up their belongings and moved to a different kingdom altogether and never saw Umberella again. Umberella never left the palace much anyway, spending most of her time in exquisite bondage so they could have stayed at home as it happened.
